The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

It is a beautiful Sunday afternoon but I’m really really in a bad mood – for no explainable reason.  I should probably just go take a nap as I know I am a little behind on sleep.  But, for now, I thought maybe if I just type out my irrational feelings I will feel better too.

The Good

As previously mentioned a few days ago, I temporarily switched back to the “full fast” plan last week in order to just get to my goal weight as quickly as possible.  I’m so close and really do not want to drag this phase out any longer.  I’m ready to move into Transition, then Maintenance.  This worked out very well since my husband was traveling and I was just meal planning for the kids.  Consequently, the weight did drop off pretty quickly this week and Saturday morning I woke up to a very brief appearance of my GOAL WEIGHT on our bathroom scale.  Note, this was a first-thing-in-the-morning type of weigh-in but just seeing that number was such a huge relief.  Now I will spend the next few days, probably sticking with the full fast, to get that weight to stabilize regardless of what time of day it is or what clothing I am wearing.

IMG_3486

And, since I’m about to launch into the subject of the gymnastics meet, I thought I’d share a little collage I created showing me and my daughter at the beginning and end of the season … quite a difference!

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The Bad

Yesterday was my daughter’s state championship T&T (Trampoline & Tumbling) meet.  I didn’t have high expectations for her placement with the medals but, most of all, I was hoping her scores would qualify her for Nationals so that we could start making our summer plans.  It is not just our plans, but also plans for friends of ours, that are on hold until we know if we are going to Kansas City in July.  Well, during her warm-ups on Trampoline, she wiped out on her final flip and caught her ankle in a way that rolled it over.  She was up pretty erin_state_0002high and I couldn’t see it very well but she was crying before even getting off the trampoline.  One of her coaches got her down and was helping her with it.  She has not really suffered any injuries in this sport yet (which is rare, I realize) but she has been known to exaggerate minor injuries to the point that we (and her head coach) pretty much ignore her.  So, here we are, at the state championship, and she may or may not be injured.  She eventually shook it off but was dramatically limping around.  My blood was starting to boil.  Isn’t that awful?  She got back on the trampoline for one last chance to warm-up, did one flip then stopped.  She was crying again and this time grabbing her knee (which, incidentally, she complains about about once a week but, within minutes is running around doing crazy things that lead us to believe it doesn’t hurt THAT bad).  Again, blood boiling…super frustrated.  Maybe not with her, but the situation and the timing.  So, she limped around for a while and seemed better.  She started with the Trampoline event and did a decent routine.  No major flaws but not the best she has done.  I was glad she just got through it.  Fortunately she scored high enough to qualify for Nationals too!  Then it went downhill.  The next event is called “Double-Mini” – basically a vault off of two small trampolines.  She was not running well at all and landed short.  She didn’t fall, but her score was very low.  The second pass was very good and she stuck her landing (one of her best landings) but I think she missed a skill in there somewhere because, again, her score was pretty low … so low, she did not qualify in this event by .5 (score was 55.3 and she needed 55.8) and was almost 2 whole points lower than her usual score.  Her tumbling event is never very strong.  She actually put in a pretty good performance (and this should be the hardest with a bad ankle) so I was happy about her effort there.  I never saw her score but I really doubt it was a qualifier.  Wasn’t planning on that one anyway.  But, now, we are still at a place of indecision about Nationals.  I can’t make any flights or book hotel rooms … or make any other plans for another vacation if we aren’t going.  We aren’t going to take her all the way to Kansas City for just one event.

The Ugly

So, if you couldn’t tell by my tone, I am internalizing the sporting events of a 9 year old girl WAY too much.  I knew I was going to make this into a bigger deal than it really is.  I am turning into one of those parents.  I was not super nice and encouraging to her on the way home from the meet.  Hopefully she didn’t feel the full weight of my frustration – just the tip of the iceberg.  I was disappointed.  I am, admittedly, a control freak.  It left me very uneasy that I was so frustrated with the situation.  I guess after spending so much money on training, and countless hours of volunteer hours to set the gym up (and then 4 hours this morning working the admissions table), I had just hoped to leave the event last night knowing that she tried her hardest.  Knowing that she left it out there.  Maybe she did.  And, actually, this morning her ankle was a bit more swollen and bruised than I expected.  I have got to realize that she is NINE.  I have to realize she will quit if there is too much pressure.  I don’t want that.  T&T is a notch less intense and involved than regular women’s gymnastics (that most people are used to seeing on TV).  She is in this sport for that reason.  I am just really bothered that I got so spun up over all of this.  I should also take into consideration that I am currently on “full fast” again and my calorie intake could very well be adding to my mood swings.  Today is better though.  I have decided to just let it go.  It is out of my hands.  She is already talking about working hard at practice this week.  She wants to go to Nationals.  She had success last year and wants to go back.  If it is meant to be, it is meant to be.  If not, we will just go on vacation somewhere much more exciting than Kansas City!  I can think of 100 places I’d rather go!

So, tying all of this into weight loss, I am happy to say again that this did not turn into some sort of “emotional eating” episode.  Grabbing food last night or today really never crossed my mind.  I think it is safe to say that I have made significant progress in that arena.  If I can just keep food for eating when I am hungry, meal time, or an occasion that is not emotionally driven, I should be in good shape.

Alright, well, if you made it this far into my rant, thanks for sticking around.  Not my best hour(s) of motherhood but, it is what it is.  I do feel much better and am going to just put this weekend behind me now.  We will look forward to a fun trip to Las Vegas for the T&T Regionals competition in 3 weeks when she’ll have another (final) chance to qualify.  If she really is ready to compete at a National level, she will bring it then.  If not, I’ll find a nice beach somewhere and park myself there for a week in July.  Win-Win.

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One Response to The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

  1. Pingback: What Happens in Vegas… | optifastmom

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