Another week comes to an end. I’ve really tried to stay focused on getting stuff done this week and maybe a bit more “living in the moment”. The “getting stuff done” portion probably overtook the other, as usual. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that there is just too much to do – and I’ve created this mess. I have the best intentions, but I take on too much and start too many projects that I just can’t complete. Having half-finished jobs all over the place drives me insane and jacks up my internal stress level – which makes me want to eat. I’ve been saying this over and over. When does it end?
I did a few things this week to help with the weight maintenance stuff though. I was just “off” last weekend and wanted to return my focus to where it needed to be. So, on Tuesday afternoon I went down to Scottsdale Weight Loss to re-take a class called “Get Back on Track” with Dr. Lisa Galper. It has been a really long time since I have gone to one of the classes. I’ve heard this stuff before but sitting through her class, even for just an hour, does wonders for helping me to get my head on straight. We talked about how, like I mentioned in a post recently, that maintenance drags on and on and after the initial “reward” of weight loss is accomplished, and all that goes along with it, we have to keep something in the forefront of our mind to keep us motivated. We have to remember, at all times, what the burning WHY? is, because as soon as we lose that, we lose our desire to stay on track. So, what is my WHY? That’s a good question. I have a really hard time articulating it in words…but it is definitely a feeling that I can recall any time I need to. That feeling is an almost overwhelming comfort in my own skin…that I am in the body that I was meant to have. When I’m not in that body (i.e. when I weighed many more pounds than I do now), I was not myself. And not being yourself is extremely uncomfortable. Perhaps I was lucky in that I grew up skinny and happy with my body and physical fitness. I also achieved this feeling after I had my first baby and lost 40 pounds, getting back down to this “ideal weight” – although it was very brief because I was pregnant with a couple of weeks and my weight climbed back up again and I was anything but comfortable…. I think this is the reason my weight loss has brought me so much happiness, despite everything that has gone on or may go on – I’m living within my own skin like I feel I should.
So, I want to protect that. I will do what I need to protect this feeling. So far, that has been motivation enough, despite maybe not being able to adequately describe it in words.
There was another class I really wanted to take later in the week but it would have required much more driving and pulling me away from things I needed to get done. So, I made the decision to not go. I can add things and complicate my schedule all day long if I let myself – and all with very good intentions because taking a class would be good for me. But I really need to prioritize.
Wednesday morning I met with my Journeys group at church. During the first meeting the fact that I had lost my parents came up in an extremely emotional way. I was glad I shared that because it is a huge part of my “journey” but the tears are SO close to the surface still. The ladies in my class are wonderful and caring but every mention of it is really hard and as soon as I think I can move on, one of them brings this up again – in a loving way. I wish I had better control of my tears. I have just about zero. It is, unfortunately, embarrassing. I know it is healthy to let it out but sometimes I wish I could get a grip.
Thursday morning I met with the hospice bereavement counselor. After many months of these meetings, we have developed a nice relationship and I do enjoy talking to her. She insists that she is glad that I just take the time once a month to spend with her and really just have a good cry and talk about my mom and dad. It’s true. I don’t do it much any more at home and she kinda makes me just keep talking about them and get it out. I’m probably about done with my meetings with her. It’s been good.
So, it sounds like it has been one long week of “therapy” sessions.
I have been pretty physically active though too. On Monday morning I finally went to a fitness class that is taught by one of my friends and a mom from our school. A bunch of moms from the school have been doing it and I’ve been meaning to try it – but this week was “bring a friend” week so the timing was finally right. It was really tough. I wouldn’t call it a bootcamp, but it sure was non-stop crazy hard. I didn’t think I had overworked my legs too much when I was done but o.m.g….I had a hard time moving or sitting the rest of the week. I did manage a good run on Tuesday morning to attempt to stretch those legs back out. I took Wednesday as a rest day and then yesterday I really pushed myself on a 5K run. I had intended to go to Koko and do some weights but I was living in kid taxi driving hell every 45 minutes or so, so I aborted the gym idea and ended up running in the neighborhood now that the evening temperatures are almost pleasant. I felt good so I pushed myself pretty hard. I removed the 5K “record” from my Garmin history and decided to start with where I’m at now. My goal is to run a 33:00 5K by the end of the month. Last night I did it in 34:35. I was pretty happy with that.